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Only Mama

Tonight is our 2nd night in Amsterdam. It will also be the 2nd night V and I sleep on the bed together and the boys together. Seriously, M rocked her to sleep and it was full of tears and screams. Then she wouldn’t let him put her down – not even on the bed!
I come in and nurse her on the bed. It took me at least 15 min before I could leave. About 10 min after l left, as I’m enjoying my slice of Old Beemster cheese (which, btw, I think, is the most delicious cheese EVER, and in Holland, is so damn cheap! I just bought a pack for €5.50 for 400g. That’s insane! In Canada, that would be at least $20.). So I’m lying in bed, nursing her and enjoying my Beemster. Not bad.
Again, i tried to leave, in an attempt to brush my teeth and take out my contact lens. And what happens? She cries. And cries. I send M in. She still cries. M put her on his chest to try to sleep her. She pushes off him. I hurry and use the toilet while brushing my teeth and take my “eyes” out and go back in the room.
V is balling hard and is so angry. How could I leave her? (btw, I just felt her hand smack me on the shoulder. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. But she likes to know I’m in the bed still by touch or hanging on to my arm or finger. No, really, she does that. You should see the picture on my post called “Please don’t go”.). Again, for the third time, I nurse her. This time I’m good to stay since I’m ready for bedtime.
I’ve just detached from her about 5 minutes ago but I think she’s having phobia of me leaving her again. She just cried out just now and we are attached once again. I sometimes feel that my nipples will fall off because she nurses so much at night.

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Z has been having mommyitis a lot lately. Everything is mommy. Nap time, bath time, books, bed time. No rat for mommy. Tonight, daddy got to read to Z and snuggle up to him. It’s rare.

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Mommyitis

Ever since M went back to work, Z has been all about mommy. No kidding, morning, noon and night. When he wakes up, he expects me to come get him. If daddy comes, he cries and asks for me. This morning, M was going to change his diaper and he threw a tantrum because he wanted me.
The day time is just the 3 of us. He is clingy even when we go to Roywood School. If I leave his sight, he starts panicking and looking around for me, calling out with increasing levels of anxiety. I have to take him with me to the bathroom when I go.
At night, I’m the one to bathe, change, dress and read to him. He might read a book with M, but that’s about it. It’s me, and only me, who puts him to bed. I don’t recall the last time when he genuinely wanted M to put him to bed.
I wonder how long this will last for?

No Sleep

The night started out good until 10pm. I made changes to V’s sleeping arrangements and after she woke for her first feeding, she had a rough time going back to sleep. And so did Z.

Just minutes after she woke up, Z cried out for me. He must’ve had a nightmare. M is trying to help me out more since I’ve been doing most of the night parenting recently.Understandably V needs me because she will only take the boob and Z has been super clingy.

Suffice it to say, both M and I got snappy at each other because the situation was getting frustrating. V was wide awake and must have had about 7-8 yawns and Z was repeatedly getting up and crying out after multiple visits with pickups and songs.

It’s now Just past midnight and the storm seemed to have passed. V is finally asleep on me on the rocker. After going to Z two times, I’ve decided to let him know I’m not going back of he is to get up and same with M. So he screamed and cried for less than 8 min and I think he is also finally asleep.

What a crazy night it has been. Time for me to go to sleep.

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